


Maybe I Don't Care As Much As I Ought To

by Tim (boywonder)



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-23
Updated: 2007-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:11:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boywonder/pseuds/Tim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Nothing's been the same since we got back to Gotham.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe I Don't Care As Much As I Ought To

Nothing's been the same since we got back to Gotham. He likes to pretend it's all the same old thing, but I'm sure even he's not convinced. In truth, _nothing_ has been the same. Not since we got back, and certainly not since the adoption.

  
  


I haven't gone back to the Tower yet. I can't. I don't have it in me. Not yet.

  
  


I haven't even bothered to talk to any of them. I know what they're doing. I've looked. I've _watched_. I've kept track. But I haven't talked to them. Haven't even _tried_. What good would it do me?

  
  


He says I should go back, should be a Titan again. As if I won't get around to it eventually.

  
  


But for now, all I want is to be here. This is the only home I've got left, and I'll be damned if I won't fight to the death to keep it.

  
  


That's not really what's different, though. It's more....it's more me and him. The way we were versus the way we are now. I don't know what changed it. Maybe it was the trip. Maybe it was coming home. Maybe it was the adoption in and of itself. Maybe I don't really care as much as I ought to. 

  
  


I don't know what Dick thinks of the adoption. I don't honestly know what Dick thinks about much of anything anymore - we haven't said two words to each other in longer than I can remember. I think I lost his cell number. 

  
  


I wonder if he's jealous. I wonder if he's angry. I wonder if he did the normal Dick thing to do and pretended to be happy when he read about it. _If_ he read about it. 

  
  


Honestly? I don't even know what _anyone_ thinks about the adoption. Well, other than the media. They won't shut up about it. If I have to see my face on one more magazine, I think I'm going to go get plastic surgery. I don't know if I can stand to look at myself without the mask on anymore. 

  
  


I don't know if that's related to the media fest or not.

  
  


I haven't seen Bruce in days. Batman? Oh, I've seen him. Every night for weeks and weeks. It almost makes me dizzy to have him around that much. But Bruce? Not a whisper. To be fair, I really don't like not wearing the suit anymore. Maybe I am becoming like him. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe I don't care as much as I ought to. 

  
  


I don't see him during the day at all. Where he goes is anyone's guess. I don't ask, and he doesn't offer. But at night, well...

  
  


At night, he's all I see. Even fighting is more like just going through the motions. I don't know if he notices how I've been lately. If he does, he never tells me. He wouldn't. It's not really his style. 

  
  


I can't help but wonder if we've somehow become more fucked up than we already were because of the adoption. I've never had a strong grasp of morality in that sense - I don't care about how old he is, or how old I am, or how the world thinks it's supposed to go. I don't care that he's my dad on paper and my boss at night. I don't care about all the nasty things I think I'd hear if anyone ever had any idea what goes on when the lights go out and the doors get locked. 

  
  


Sometimes, I think he cares. Or at least, he pretends he does.

  


  
Sometimes he won't even look at me if I'm not wearing the mask. If I was braver, I'd ask him what he sees. I don't think I ever will. I don't think he'd tell me. 

  
  


...I guess I have to go back to San Francisco one of these days. 

  
  


_They need you_. So he says.

  
  


Do I think that's true? I don't know.

  


  
Do I think he's trying to get rid of me for a couple days? Possibly. But I can't be bothered to care about it right now. The Titans are all but ruined. Maybe he thinks I'm going to play leader and fix it all up. I'm not. I can't focus on leading a team. I'm not Dick, and I'm not Batman. 

  
  


I'm just Robin. And I don't think I really care as much as I ought to.


End file.
